Post Book Birth Blues

I now realise I've spent the last year in a bubble of creativity and focus, becoming consumed with the process of writing my book .

Now that the bubble has burst with the birth of my book, “Finding Mystery Within”, I find myself feeling rather blue.

I realise that my writing combined with Covid has distanced me from friends and situations that might lift me up. With all the pain and disaster in our world at the minute, I’m guessing I’m not alone in feeling a little blue!

As I find myself overwhelmed with these feelings of isolation and loneliness, I am learning to pause, to sit with it and not be afraid to feel the emotions bubbling to the surface. As I sit with these feelings I begin to recognise old wounds from childhood that are surfacing once again that are ever-present. These wounds can heal to a degree but the scars are always visible and ready to rise again when we feel threatened or vulnerable.

I feel compelled to look within to find the solution. I can't ignore the title of my book and what I've written on its pages. I am choosing not to slip back into old patterns.

I now realise that writing my book wasn't the toughest part, instead it's my reaction to the challenges that lie beyond. My reaction to the thoughts filling my mind with tension and struggle. I know I need to grasp how this is my tendency to get stuck in this reactive loop, allowing my perception of external events to dictate how I feel.

It's so hard at the minute with everything that is happening in the world right now, but this quote I saw on Instagram definitely helped me understand that it's ok to feel overwhelmed at the minute.

“I just do not think our psyches were developed to hold, feel and respond to everything coming at them right now; every tragedy, injustice, sorrow and natural disaster happening to every human across the entire planet, in real time every minute of every day. The human heart and spirit were developed to be able to hold, feel and respond to any tragedy, injustice, sorrow or natural disaster that was happening IN OUR VILLAGE.”

As I pause and look inside, I begin to understand the reason I feel so alone and isolated. Causing me to struggle with conflict within and without. It’s because I don’t feel truly connected to myself.

I know in those rare occasions when I do feel that oneness with “being”, that it brings with it a peace that is impossible to explain. But my constant inability to feel that connectedness, as I get distracted and consumed by the activity of my mind; causes me to feel separate from myself and others, alone, fragmented. It’s here where fear arises and conflict within and without becomes the norm.

However when I really take time out to feel that connectedness with my body, I begin to grasp that “being” is accessible! To know my deepest self, my true nature beyond name and form. My essence is immediately accessible to me when I stop long enough to feel my own presence and in that moment I feel joy!

Being caught up in our mind, consumed by our thoughts and thinking, prevents us from finding that inner stillness that is “being”.

The truth is that self-care of our body and our mind is vital. It's necessary to stop and observe what we are feeling. It's important to take time and space to know how we are feeling and how we are getting along.

I love this self care check-in tool.

When the chatter inside my head is so loud that it distracts me from the here and now, I know it's time for me to actually do some self-care. Not to just think about it but actually do it!

For me, that means stopping long enough to connect with the stillness inside of me. Touching and breathing in nature, walking the dogs, playing music I love as loud as I dare and letting my body move as it needs to. Even if the flood gates open and the tears fall, it feels so good to let go and unwind.

Try listening to “Back in my body” by Maggie Rogers. Feel the rhythm and the beat and begin to let your body move and stretch. Turn it up louder !! ENJOY coming back into your body.