“Who did I think I was, that I could fix her?”
I was desperate to help a friend through a traumatic time. I was obsessed. I worried. I was awake in the middle of the night, consumed by my thoughts.
I had fallen down a rabbit hole. I was afraid the trauma would stay with her and impact the rest of her life.
After wrestling with this for some time, I found some clarity while walking the dogs through a wood one day. It was here that my thinking began to quiet down. I felt calmer. Then I guess you could say I had an insight.
I describe “insight” as if you are standing in a pitch-black room trying to find your way out when suddenly a flash of lightning outside temporarily illuminates the entire room. You can see the door just before the darkness returns. This temporary flash of light enables you to walk in the right direction to safely exit.
My insight hit me like a ton of bricks, I was identifying with the thoughts in my head that were telling me it was up to me to solve everything for my loved one—causing me to offer too much advice based on the story inside my head.
I felt stuck between two worlds. One where I felt the Divine’s love for my friend; spiritual resonance with her “Dark Night of the Soul”.. like I was experiencing the Divine’s suffering with me and through me for my friend.
Yet in another world, my ego had turned me into a bit of a drama queen with “little old me” thinking that I could sort out the problem and solve everything. I had temporarily forgotten that my friend had her very own built-in wisdom and innate well-being. After all, she was created by the same Divine intelligence that's behind all life.
Despite knowing this in my heart, I have to admit my ego had been doing a great job of fooling me into believing that I could sort it all out… What was I thinking?
The loud chatter in my mind had distracted me from fully trusting that her spiritual awakening to her essence would come BECAUSE of what she was going through.
“Wise people find happiness not in the absence of such hardships but in their ability to understand them as they occur” Sydney Banks ( The Missing Link pg 124)
I had been viewing the situation through a filter where I, in innocence, believed that my friend was broken by what she had experienced. The intelligence behind life doesn’t make mistakes. My darling friend has an unbreakable spirit. She is not broken and is never lacking in any way.
Our wisdom and innate well-being are always intact, they get covered over by our thinking, in the same way, that the sun gets covered over by clouds. “The sun is always there.” I had focused on the clouds and that was all I could see.
Now I believe and trust that my soul sister can tap into the deep intelligence behind life as she navigates through this hardship and that she will be able to let go of the hurt and heaviness as she discovers (just as I am) that she has the power to figure out which thoughts she listens to and which she lets float on by.
As I let go of my worrying thoughts I see her beauty and well-being shine through.
There is nothing to fear. We are more resilient than we imagine.
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